NWR The s**t jokes thread

@Neil Holland your circus joke jogged my memory.

A young lad up in Yorkshire in the 1970s, Our Tony, loved the circus, and was thrilled when it was announced the circus was coming to town. For his birthday his parents booked him a front row seat for each show. Unfortunately Our Tony from Our ‘Uddersfield’ had a terrible twitch, and on the first night one of the clowns - the one with the reddest nose - noticed this and went over and made fun of him in such a way that the crowd was rolling in the aisles laughing and Our Tony was humiliated…he felt <<that>> small. Our Tony plucked up the courage to go along on the second night but the outcome was even worse: the red-nosed clown spotted him straight away and took the mickey out of him relentlessly. Reduced to tears he told his parents, and his dad said ‘I know this man Mr Wiggins, who is the master of quick wit and repartee. I will ask him to go along with you tomorrow and he will give the red-nosed clown a taste of his own medicine with his devastatingly quick wit and repartee.’ Our Tony was fascinated by the prospect of meeting Mr Wiggins, who was the master of quick wit and repartee, and imagined him to be a James Bond-like character, but when he came to his house the next night he was surprised to meet a short, stout, bald man in his 50s, wearing a three piece tweet suit with thick glasses and a monosyllabic contralto voice, like Lofty on ‘it ain’t half hot mum’. Our Tony’s dad managed to make sure Mr Wiggins, the master of wit and repartee, sat next to our Tony in the front row at the show that night. When the red-nosed clown saw Our Tony he made a beeline for him and the same thing happened again. Our Tony kept on glancing sideways at Mr Wiggins, the master of wit and repartee, as if to say ‘please help me out here’. But Mr Wiggins just sat stonily silent staring straight ahead, whilst going red in the face. All of a sudden Mr Wiggins - the master of quick wit and repartee - stood up. The clown took a step back and the crowd stopped laughing and was hushed. Mr Wiggins, master of quick wit and repartee, now bright red and sweating profusely, turned to the clown and pointed his finger at him and said “piss off you red-nosed c*nt”.