NWR The s**t jokes thread

[Keith Prothero]

Guess it’s an age thing but still don’t get it. Not too worry, it is after all the shit jokes thread and this has to be the shittiest

 

[G. W o l f f]

Guess it’s an age thing but still don’t get it. Not too worry, it is after all the shit jokes thread and this has to be the shittiest

Shame it gave you a headache - perhaps you have something to take (other than aspirin)?

 

[Steve Slatcher]

Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Cos the parrots eat 'em all.

I have just been listening to an episode of QI from 2003, where Jo Brand told that joke - I think that might be its origin.

 

[Colin Bradley]

I’m pretty sure it’s older than that, Steve.

 

[Paul Anderson]

I'm sure I first heard it in the '80s

 

[Steve Slatcher]

I'm sure I first heard it in the '80s

Old enough to have been forgotten and make a come-back or two then!

 

[Spenser Hilliard]

Paracetamol was added to the British Pharmacopoeia in 1963. I imagine that this joke emerged pretty soon afterwards.

 

[Paul Anderson]

Paracetamol was added to the British Pharmacopoeia in 1963. I imagine that this joke emerged pretty soon afterwards.

Ach. You've explained the joke now

 

[Andy Leslie]

It’s a joke that doesn’t cross the Atlantic. “Because the acetaminophen” is a terrible punchline.

 

[Michael Sheridan]

I’ve had to fire my new Eastern European cleaner because it took her 15 hours to hoover my house

It turns out she was a Slovak

 

[Dan Vyvyan]

What do you call a man with no money walking round Prague in rubber soles? A bouncing Czech.

Contrary to legend it was Archimedes’ wife who said Eureka. When he discovered how to make bubbles in the bath.

 

[Sean Hardon]

Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer are on a plane, Sunak looked at Starmer, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw £1,000 out of the window right now and make somebody happy."
Starmer shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I could throw twenty £50 notes out of the window and make twenty people happy" Hearing… their exchange, the pilot said to his co-pilot, I could throw both of them out of the window and make 64 million people very, very happy!" ..

Whilst about politicians, it's not political?

 

[Mark Henderson]

Proof that every Miss Universe contest is fixed...
Think about it; every winner has come from Earth.

 

[Mark Palmer]

Proof that every Miss Universe contest is fixed...
Think about it; every winner has come from Earth.

Yeah but in the abscence of any evidence to the contrary I think it’s safe to proceed.

 

[Michael Sheridan]

You know, Lance isn’t a very popular name nowadays.

But in medieval times men were called Lance a lot

 

[Jason Mitchell]

 

[Colin Bradley]

That reminds me of the little quip that used to be printed on the labels of Frog’s Leap’s wines: “Time’s fun when you’re having flies”.

 

[Jason Mitchell]

Man goes to the doctor, drops his trousers to reveal a lettuce leaf sticking out of his bottom.
Doctor: "How very odd."
Man: "Yes, and that is only the tip of the iceberg!

 

[Jason Mitchell]

Did you hear about the guy who died by a drain?
It was sewer side.

 

[Alistair Scott]

The poor chap who invented the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.

 

[Paul Anderson]

The poor chap who invented the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.

Reminds me of a well-known farmer who died.

There was a big turnip at his funeral.

 

[Edward Bolland]

 

[Keith Prothero]

I have recently received a degree in delivering mail.
I am a post graduate.

 

[Michael Sheridan]

Two robbers were robbing an off-licence when one picks up a bottle and asks "is this whiskey?"

the other replies "yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"

 

[Michael Sheridan]

why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks